I needn't sully this post with long paragraphs or soliloquy... just click & enjoy!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
I Hate New England
*If you're from the New England area, please avert your eyes now. It's the only way to protect yourself from what I'm about to do... however -- if you're offended, you probably deserve it.*
You read the title correctly. I despise New England. I hate the climate. I hate all the fresh air. I hate the indigenous people and their clammy stench -- they reek of condescension. It's a place where stomach-turning cockiness (disguised as bravado) and fair-weather fans abound. Where else can a team win a title and still have a chip on its shoulder? I thought Philly was ridonkulous with its "What have you done for me lately?" mentality... but these guys absolutely take the cake -- and proceed to over-bake it and coat it with black licorice-flavored icing.
Not that I haven't always despised New Englanders, but I was reading the Sports Guy's mailbag and came across this reader submission that completely rattled my cage:
Really? This kind of stuff happens up north? Was it supposed to be a cruel joke or prank? Oddly enough, I'm not laughing. Boston, once widely regarded as a hotbed of racism (and still is regarded as such, depending on who you ask), is the nucleus of it all... The Boston Celtics (NBA), The New England Patriots (NFL), The Boston Red Sox (MLB), The Boston Bruins (NHL)... the list goes on. In recent years, the region has taken home division and league championships from most significant competitive sports -- yet still acts like there is something to prove. Look no further than every single one of Bill Belicheck's press conferences this year.
Rarely has an entire region tried so hard to justify everything wrong that they do and piss on our faces when things go right -- without having the courtesy to hand us a Kleenex(TM). If Tom Brady committed mass genocide, I assure you that the whole of New England would jump up to defend him -- probably citing the mental stress created by throwing touchdown after touchdown as justification. I'm sick of all the excuses and I'm even sicker of the bragging... and I won't even get started on the 4th down conversion attempts.
So let me tell you something, you "chowdah" eatin', "shahp" dressin' "Hahvahd" educated, "wicked ahsome", "pahty" animal, "beeyah" swillin', smug, arrogant little prick bastards -- I don't like you. Most of America doesn't like you. Is it because you're winning right now? Not at all. Most of us still like the Cowboys, the Bulls, the 49ers, the Lakers, the Pistons, etc. Wanna know why? Because their fans are generally gracious winners. They don't shit on the sidewalk and try to rub our faces in it. One day soon, you'll get your comeuppance... but then again, maybe I don't want to see that happen -- all it will do is motivate you to go on another 85 year bitchin'-spree about how your teams never win.
Who am I kidding? I'd die a happy man.
Suck it, New England. Suck it.
You read the title correctly. I despise New England. I hate the climate. I hate all the fresh air. I hate the indigenous people and their clammy stench -- they reek of condescension. It's a place where stomach-turning cockiness (disguised as bravado) and fair-weather fans abound. Where else can a team win a title and still have a chip on its shoulder? I thought Philly was ridonkulous with its "What have you done for me lately?" mentality... but these guys absolutely take the cake -- and proceed to over-bake it and coat it with black licorice-flavored icing.
Not that I haven't always despised New Englanders, but I was reading the Sports Guy's mailbag and came across this reader submission that completely rattled my cage:
Q: While visiting one of our friends in Boston this past weekend, a few of my college buddies and I spent Saturday getting hammered at various bars near Fenway. When we called it a night, we took the T back to the Maverick station, a trip that included half of the train spontaneously singing "Don't Stop Believing." When we got off the train, we decided to step into this bar called Eddie C's, a dive with none other than Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap. When we got inside, we encountered a few regulars with the strongest accents imaginable, who asked us if we were Sox fans. We aren't, which was fine by them, until my friend Tommy proclaimed his allegiance to the Yankees. They all gasped immediately, and one of them shouted, while smiling ear to ear, "... let's tie him to a tree!!!" He proceeded to reach into his jacket and, I kid you not, pulled out a 12-foot rope. We went outside and my friend was, yes, tied to a tree, complete with some road cones. The scene was unbelievable. We decided to leave when the same guy showed us his knife and said that he could cut some more rope if we needed it.
-- John, Washington, D.C.
Really? This kind of stuff happens up north? Was it supposed to be a cruel joke or prank? Oddly enough, I'm not laughing. Boston, once widely regarded as a hotbed of racism (and still is regarded as such, depending on who you ask), is the nucleus of it all... The Boston Celtics (NBA), The New England Patriots (NFL), The Boston Red Sox (MLB), The Boston Bruins (NHL)... the list goes on. In recent years, the region has taken home division and league championships from most significant competitive sports -- yet still acts like there is something to prove. Look no further than every single one of Bill Belicheck's press conferences this year.
Rarely has an entire region tried so hard to justify everything wrong that they do and piss on our faces when things go right -- without having the courtesy to hand us a Kleenex(TM). If Tom Brady committed mass genocide, I assure you that the whole of New England would jump up to defend him -- probably citing the mental stress created by throwing touchdown after touchdown as justification. I'm sick of all the excuses and I'm even sicker of the bragging... and I won't even get started on the 4th down conversion attempts.
So let me tell you something, you "chowdah" eatin', "shahp" dressin' "Hahvahd" educated, "wicked ahsome", "pahty" animal, "beeyah" swillin', smug, arrogant little prick bastards -- I don't like you. Most of America doesn't like you. Is it because you're winning right now? Not at all. Most of us still like the Cowboys, the Bulls, the 49ers, the Lakers, the Pistons, etc. Wanna know why? Because their fans are generally gracious winners. They don't shit on the sidewalk and try to rub our faces in it. One day soon, you'll get your comeuppance... but then again, maybe I don't want to see that happen -- all it will do is motivate you to go on another 85 year bitchin'-spree about how your teams never win.
Who am I kidding? I'd die a happy man.
Suck it, New England. Suck it.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Friendship
*I know that one's personal life is not ideal blog fodder, but I don't have to dig too deep on this one. I just have to get this off my chest real quick. I promise I'm not always like this -- I'm just a lil' heated right now.*
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, friendship can be defined as follows:
I don't claim to be a Rhodes scholar, but that seems to be a pretty straightforward theory. What do you think of when it comes to friends? A shoulder to lean on, someone to call when times get tough, talk to you when the most evil of temptations seem too good to resist, laugh at your bad jokes and pick you up when you fall; someone who will exhibit kindness, patience, compassion and love for you through thick & thin, etc -- and for whom you would do all of the above. So like Sadat X, I have a question: Why is it that every time I try to reach out to one of my so-called friends in particular, I get nothing but shade?? C'mon, man -- FUNK DAT!
Is it that some can't grasp the concept of friendship? Apparently, because she's off her rocker. Don't tell me that I should call you more often, then turn around and avoid my calls. Don't ignore my non-free text messages. Don't yell at me because you're not on my top friends list on MySpace (who gives a flying FUCK anyway?) Even after knowing her for 13-14 years, I still don't fucking get her.
Either spread the good will or split like a sumo wrestler's jeans because I don't need the aggravation right now. Someone once told me that some people are like seasons -- meant to come and go in your life, never there to stay permanently but are likely to resurface from time to time. I'm starting to think that is the case with this particular friend. Remember how it was still hot in October when it was clearly supposed to be cooling down? Summer stuck around too long -- and maybe that's the case here too.
And I'm SPENT...
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, friendship can be defined as follows:
friend·ship (frěnd'shĭp') n.
1. The quality or condition of being friends.
2. A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer.
3. Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.
I don't claim to be a Rhodes scholar, but that seems to be a pretty straightforward theory. What do you think of when it comes to friends? A shoulder to lean on, someone to call when times get tough, talk to you when the most evil of temptations seem too good to resist, laugh at your bad jokes and pick you up when you fall; someone who will exhibit kindness, patience, compassion and love for you through thick & thin, etc -- and for whom you would do all of the above. So like Sadat X, I have a question: Why is it that every time I try to reach out to one of my so-called friends in particular, I get nothing but shade?? C'mon, man -- FUNK DAT!
Is it that some can't grasp the concept of friendship? Apparently, because she's off her rocker. Don't tell me that I should call you more often, then turn around and avoid my calls. Don't ignore my non-free text messages. Don't yell at me because you're not on my top friends list on MySpace (who gives a flying FUCK anyway?) Even after knowing her for 13-14 years, I still don't fucking get her.
Either spread the good will or split like a sumo wrestler's jeans because I don't need the aggravation right now. Someone once told me that some people are like seasons -- meant to come and go in your life, never there to stay permanently but are likely to resurface from time to time. I'm starting to think that is the case with this particular friend. Remember how it was still hot in October when it was clearly supposed to be cooling down? Summer stuck around too long -- and maybe that's the case here too.
And I'm SPENT...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Firsts
For those of you who haven't already experienced it, this is easily one of the top two most awesome wedding videos I've ever seen in the history of time -- all lack of true rhythm aside.
Click 'PLAY' & enjoy.
Click 'PLAY' & enjoy.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
It's a Suicide...
WARNING: This post makes some references to religion.
For those that are unaware, I'm the son of 2 Nigerian immigrants. In our country, it is customary to invoke tribal rituals passed down for generations to treat most illnesses. In my youth, I was subjected to some of the most acrid, primitive, pungent and stunningly disgusting home remedies you could imagine. These traditional methods are preferred to the point where those with potentially fatal (but treatable) conditions often shun medical attention and find themselves in an early grave.
With that being said, I was born in Washington, DC -- the would-be capital of the WORLD. I subscribe to and place the the utmost of faith in western medicine. My mother doesn't even own any more of those black bottles of Liquid X with its mystery ingredients. You would think that in the advent of medical innovation, one would rely on western medicine to keep us from the brink of death, right? Well, to quote the great philosopher Charles Q. Murphy: "WRONG! Wrong..."
Apparently, there are some Jehovah's Witnesses strolling the planet Earth who believe that seeking treatment is heresy -- to the point where a 14 year-old kid lost his life, instead of seeking the blood transfusions that could have substantially prolonged his life.
Yes, it is not a perfect science... but improvements are made daily and new, more effective treatment is always one lab experiment away. The saddest part about this story is that his parents wanted so badly for him to receive treatment -- it was his aunt who (allegedly) convinced him that it would be sacrilegious (editor's note: the aunt refused to comment when approached by the AP about the incident... hmm -- curious). The judge for this trial didn't agree with that theory -- he believed that the boy was not coerced and that he was more than capable of making the decision on his own. Really, good sir? How many 14 year-old boys do you know that wouldn't rather be playing baseball, chasing girls or playing Guitar Hero III until their fingers went numb? Something tells me that an untimely, excruciating death wasn't exactly his #1 wish for the holidays.
Moral of the story: If your ear won't stop bleeding, one of your lungs stops inflating or your heartbeat sounds like the bass line of a Dr. Dre track... don't be an idiot -- go to the doctor. Now.
For those that are unaware, I'm the son of 2 Nigerian immigrants. In our country, it is customary to invoke tribal rituals passed down for generations to treat most illnesses. In my youth, I was subjected to some of the most acrid, primitive, pungent and stunningly disgusting home remedies you could imagine. These traditional methods are preferred to the point where those with potentially fatal (but treatable) conditions often shun medical attention and find themselves in an early grave.
With that being said, I was born in Washington, DC -- the would-be capital of the WORLD. I subscribe to and place the the utmost of faith in western medicine. My mother doesn't even own any more of those black bottles of Liquid X with its mystery ingredients. You would think that in the advent of medical innovation, one would rely on western medicine to keep us from the brink of death, right? Well, to quote the great philosopher Charles Q. Murphy: "WRONG! Wrong..."
Apparently, there are some Jehovah's Witnesses strolling the planet Earth who believe that seeking treatment is heresy -- to the point where a 14 year-old kid lost his life, instead of seeking the blood transfusions that could have substantially prolonged his life.
Yes, it is not a perfect science... but improvements are made daily and new, more effective treatment is always one lab experiment away. The saddest part about this story is that his parents wanted so badly for him to receive treatment -- it was his aunt who (allegedly) convinced him that it would be sacrilegious (editor's note: the aunt refused to comment when approached by the AP about the incident... hmm -- curious). The judge for this trial didn't agree with that theory -- he believed that the boy was not coerced and that he was more than capable of making the decision on his own. Really, good sir? How many 14 year-old boys do you know that wouldn't rather be playing baseball, chasing girls or playing Guitar Hero III until their fingers went numb? Something tells me that an untimely, excruciating death wasn't exactly his #1 wish for the holidays.
Moral of the story: If your ear won't stop bleeding, one of your lungs stops inflating or your heartbeat sounds like the bass line of a Dr. Dre track... don't be an idiot -- go to the doctor. Now.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sex, Drugs & Video Games
Sex. Drugs. Violence. What do they all have in common? Mario, according to a report by MediaFamily.
You would think they were talking about methadone abuse. I don't know about you, but video games kept me pleasantly entertained and out of trouble. Am I to believe that killing someone on Mortal Kombat will breed murderous desires within me? Aside from a mean case of road rage, I've yet to see the signs.
Not only are video games are a plague on society, but they suggest that parents need to be educated on how to proceed with caution when purchasing games. Here's a clue: if your kid is 6 and the game says "Adults Only" or "Mature" -- don't buy him the FUCKING game! Don't you hate going to the movies to see a vicious, violent film and there's a screaming kid in the theater? Why do you feel the need to bring your 2 year old to see "Kill Bill" with you? Can't find a babysitter? Then sit your ass down and stay home. If your six year-old child possesses a deep disdain for law enforcement and a mouth that would make a sailor cringe, and you don't realize that it's possibly because you bought him the unedited version of Straight Outta Compton, then maybe -- just maybe -- you are a fuck-up.
Just a thought.
Really? Kids still go to the library? One of my co-worker's daughters (10 years old) was asked to research a project at her local library... and the first thing she did was come home and ask her mom what a library was. No bullshit. With the advent of the internet, I guess it's becoming obsolete. So, while we're blaming tournaments... can we then say that anytime a white girl gets (allegedly) raped by a black athlete in a Denver hotel room that the NBA playoffs are to blame?
Just take responsibility for your own knucklehead children and stop trying to save the world. They're probably somewhere igniting a forest fire, anyway.
*SIGH* I'm about to go play Madden now.
"Complacency, especially on the part of retailers and parents, appears to have caused a backslide in ratings awareness and enforcement. And, at the same time, while the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) has continued to educate the public about its video game rating system, several shocking incidents have inadvertently revealed dangerous loopholes in the ratings process. Simply put, some of the hard-won progress seen in previous years has been lost, and now, too many children are spending too much time playing inappropriate video games that can harm their health and development."
You would think they were talking about methadone abuse. I don't know about you, but video games kept me pleasantly entertained and out of trouble. Am I to believe that killing someone on Mortal Kombat will breed murderous desires within me? Aside from a mean case of road rage, I've yet to see the signs.
Not only are video games are a plague on society, but they suggest that parents need to be educated on how to proceed with caution when purchasing games. Here's a clue: if your kid is 6 and the game says "Adults Only" or "Mature" -- don't buy him the FUCKING game! Don't you hate going to the movies to see a vicious, violent film and there's a screaming kid in the theater? Why do you feel the need to bring your 2 year old to see "Kill Bill" with you? Can't find a babysitter? Then sit your ass down and stay home. If your six year-old child possesses a deep disdain for law enforcement and a mouth that would make a sailor cringe, and you don't realize that it's possibly because you bought him the unedited version of Straight Outta Compton, then maybe -- just maybe -- you are a fuck-up.
Just a thought.
"Earlier this year, a disturbing trend appeared in some public libraries and churches across the country. To recruit youth to use public libraries and participate in church activities, several libraries and churches resorted to using video game tournaments with popular M-rated (Mature) video games, like Halo 2. While video game tournaments are an innovative way to reach today’s children, allowing 13- and 14- year old teenagers to play games that are rated for players over the age of 17 is irresponsible. This strategy undercuts the rating system and sabotages parents who are trying to follow the ratings and restrict their children from playing M-rated games."
Really? Kids still go to the library? One of my co-worker's daughters (10 years old) was asked to research a project at her local library... and the first thing she did was come home and ask her mom what a library was. No bullshit. With the advent of the internet, I guess it's becoming obsolete. So, while we're blaming tournaments... can we then say that anytime a white girl gets (allegedly) raped by a black athlete in a Denver hotel room that the NBA playoffs are to blame?
Just take responsibility for your own knucklehead children and stop trying to save the world. They're probably somewhere igniting a forest fire, anyway.
*SIGH* I'm about to go play Madden now.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I concede
Here I am.
I've finally given in and decided to join this crazy world of blogging. I've been sharing some of my thoughts in the past on another website and on other blogs, but I figured it was time for me to take a shot at this thing. I've found myself increasingly drawn to the musings of such scribes as The Girl from Park Heights and my good friend, Your Friendly Neighborhood Skeptic. At his behest -- and the litigious prodding of such others as Erika2k4(TM) -- here I am.
Welcome to my world. It may not always make sense here, but you'll have a great time being confused. This should be a fun ride. I won't dare promise daily postings (or even weekly for that matter), but I assure you that I will make you think, laugh or cry from a combination of both. I hope to make a few new friends (and not too many enemies) in the process. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride -- and be sure to let me know how it was.
I'll end this inaugural post with one of my favorite video clips of all time -- enjoy. If you can get past the humorous delivery, it's alleged that there is actually a meaning behind it... go figure.
P.S.: Check out the "sequel" here.
I've finally given in and decided to join this crazy world of blogging. I've been sharing some of my thoughts in the past on another website and on other blogs, but I figured it was time for me to take a shot at this thing. I've found myself increasingly drawn to the musings of such scribes as The Girl from Park Heights and my good friend, Your Friendly Neighborhood Skeptic. At his behest -- and the litigious prodding of such others as Erika2k4(TM) -- here I am.
Welcome to my world. It may not always make sense here, but you'll have a great time being confused. This should be a fun ride. I won't dare promise daily postings (or even weekly for that matter), but I assure you that I will make you think, laugh or cry from a combination of both. I hope to make a few new friends (and not too many enemies) in the process. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride -- and be sure to let me know how it was.
I'll end this inaugural post with one of my favorite video clips of all time -- enjoy. If you can get past the humorous delivery, it's alleged that there is actually a meaning behind it... go figure.
P.S.: Check out the "sequel" here.
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